Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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