just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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