Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My feet surprised me
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