you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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