Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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