New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
