Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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