It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
