He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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