It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
