I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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