What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
