My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
