I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
