can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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