Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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