yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The power of my boobs compel you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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