bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
