so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
