Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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