I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
