Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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