i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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