Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
