You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
