I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
