were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
