I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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