I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
