I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
