Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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