strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
