i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
