Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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