if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
