We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
