Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
