Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
