Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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