Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
