i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
