And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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