i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
