Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
