How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
