Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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