You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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