I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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