This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
