Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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