Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
