Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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