I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
