i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
