I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
