Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
