so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
