you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
