Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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