so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
