I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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