Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
