I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
