Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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