is your mom at the bar?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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