Jerry, you need to find god
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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