p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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