I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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