Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
