Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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