Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
