Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
