Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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