Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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