Your tits are I can't wait for
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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