I got chris browned last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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