My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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