First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
