I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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